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The Love Bug

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You can hear it... [Aug. 26th, 2005|10:46 am]
The Love Bug
[Current Mood |amusedamused]

... from miles away.

The roar of the oversized exhaust...
The ear-rattling boom of subwoofer...
The rush of air, as it moves to one side...

... to allow a crappy little Honda Civic get through.

It has rusty panels, very badly tinted windows, red LED sidelights, badly fitted bodyskirts, and a spotty pimplehead in the driving seat.

I seems to me as though the effort made to make cars look impressive is down to the add-ons glued on to the outside, rather than improving the look of the car itself. I personally think that a car that has been looked after, and has a decent shine on in, and maybe a couple of cosmetic enhancements, looks much better than a car that has bootloads of extras and is 25% rust!!

I also don't appreciate illegal cosmetic additions to cars to make them look impressive. Examples are number plates that are either incorrectly spaced or in an illegal typeface, front fog lights that appear to be hardwired to the battery with no 'off' switch, underbody lighting (I mean, please!), sidelight bulbs that have been replaced with coloured LEDs, and rear spoilers that look as though they've been designed by Boeing.

Don't they realise that their car looks bloody pathetic?! People who stare at them open-mouthed are not thinking, "Wow, what a fantastic looking car!"... they're thinking "What the f..."

But obviously no-one has told them.

[User Picture]From: brainlag
2005-08-26 10:30 am (UTC)
One of the worst looking spoilers has to be the one on the Subaru Impreza WRX STi. However that one is actually functional. The ones you see taped onto Vauxhall Novas on the other hand, well...

Really I don't care that much about foglights, they don't really affect you that much (apart from making you think - usually rightly so - that the driver's a tit). Besides, I'm often guilty of that. It's very easy to turn your front fogs on without knowing it in an Renault Laguna as you indicate left. And nothing happens. Until (maybe days) later you turn your lights on (foglamps only operate when your lights are on) and then lights up that little green foglight symbol on the dash, cleverly hidden behind the rim of the steering wheel. Luckily I've never caught it badly enough to turn the rear lights on as well.

It's those fucktards who drive around at night with their main beams on who are the real problem. You can't see a thing if there's one of those dicks behind you and you can't see a thing if there's one of those dicks coming towards you in the opposite direction! ARGH! There's a time and a place for main beams, and it's bloody well not when you can see another car in them!!!! Worst is when trucks do this. They have a LOT of lights...
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[User Picture]From: thelovebug
2005-08-26 10:43 am (UTC)
Yeah, but you have to ask whether a spoiler - functional or not - has any use within the speed limits anyway!! :o)

One thing that does wind me up with foglights, is the driver that sets sidelights and foglights, but no headlamps, at nighttime. Dangerous, really.
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[User Picture]From: kuzanagi_
2005-08-26 11:08 am (UTC)
To be fair, a lot of people with proper performance vehicles that actually require spoilers use them for track racing as well as standard road use.

Typically these are the people that you see driving along in a 350bhp Impreza at 75mph in the slow lane on the motorway. They've basically not really bought the car to drive like a cu- erm... idiot, they've bought it because it's they essentially need a four door saloon for day to day use and they want to use the car for track days etc. but can't afford to get two appropriate cars. I mean, spunking £30k on a car you're going to use twice a month is a bit much for most ;)
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[User Picture]From: brainlag
2005-08-26 11:36 am (UTC)
It's not just track days. If I had a scooby, I'd move to wales. No question. Some of those B roads are pretty much rally courses, which is exactly what that car was engineered to do, and Imprezza or no Imprezza, you're not taking those corners at anywhere near the speed limit, yet no matter what you're driving it's certainly possible to push the car to its limits out there (and have bucketloads of fun while you're at it! ;). Unless you're a complete muppet, speed always comes second to control, and a high performance car certainly gives you more of that!

The guy where I work who has an STi for a company car has recently moved out to the countryside ;)
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[User Picture]From: kuzanagi_
2005-08-26 11:49 am (UTC)
Well, yeah. Going fast in a straight line is about as challenging and interesting as sleeping. However, not even a 350bhp Impreza Turbo would make me want to move to Wales ;)
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[User Picture]From: kuzanagi_
2005-08-26 10:59 am (UTC)
One of the worst looking spoilers has to be the one on the Subaru Impreza WRX STi.

At least it's required on a car with the calibre of the STi. Granted, it may look like an oversized ironing board, but it's needed to ensure the car's stable.

It's when you get the racing "bolt on" spoilers (they're essentially an unpainted metal frame attached to the rear of the car, and are designed for racing use where a mechanic can literally beat the spoiler in to shape with a mallet to alter the profile as required) on a 1.2 litre Corsa that I never understand :)
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[User Picture]From: novemberbug
2005-08-26 10:59 am (UTC)
It's just a phase, he'll get over it.


My 23 yr-old cousin Bruce bought our pristine Ford Escort off us, about 5 years ago and he souped it up, added all the bits and pieces these guys think look great...

Then he sold it to buy a ropey old Mercedes van to sling all his fishing gear in and he hasn't looked back!
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[User Picture]From: kuzanagi_
2005-08-26 11:04 am (UTC)
The problem with Ricers is that they believe for some unknown reason that the laws of physics do not apply to their vehicles. For some unknown reason, they believe that attaching all manner of plastic and metal shit to the outside and inside of their car will somehow make it go faster.

Anyone who actually wants their car to go faster knows that the key is power to weight ratio. So, Ricers, take all the plastic shit off of your car, and it will go faster. Fact.

I have to say though, they are good for one thing. There's nothing quite like pulling up next to a wannabe Racing Ricer at a set of lights, and watching them rock back and forth and rev the bollocks out of their car, then fail miserably to get more than a third of their impressive 70bhp down as you effortlessly disappear in to the distance ;)
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[User Picture]From: thelovebug
2005-08-26 11:22 am (UTC)
I have to say that I do get a sense of enormous well-being when I beat a 'performance' car off at the lights. I tend to try to get away first when I'm against an arsehole driver.

Although if I know I'm not going to win, I often just wave them goodbye as they go past. :o)
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[User Picture]From: kuzanagi_
2005-08-26 11:29 am (UTC)
Most Ricers have spent all of their money on sticking plastic shit to the outside of the car, and sound systems on the inside. Hence no money left for engine modifications, so their Corsa that looks like it ought to be in Mad Max still has a 1 litre engine under the bonnet ;)
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[User Picture]From: oneeyedfreak
2005-08-27 02:15 am (UTC)
Years ago, as a joke, a friend and I dropped a 350 ci small block into a 1980 Chevy Monza. The 350 was bored out to 388 and featured a glass-beaded Edelbrock tunnel-ram intake that fed dual Carters. 12.5:1 compression. Polished headers. Before I came to my senses and parted the thing out, we were about to lower the compression and add a Chrysler 671 blower. (It sits in my family's garage under a sheet to this day)

It ate IROC-Zs for lunch.

Everytime I pull up next to a ricer, I long for that car.

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[User Picture]From: stainsteelrat
2005-08-26 11:27 am (UTC)
Yep, I've never understood the desire to "pimp" say a Corsa. They look 10x as naff as before they started. And that fog lights thing? Don't get me started on that :-)

Either buy a secondhand car that has some stature, or just go with what you've got.
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[User Picture]From: jena
2005-08-26 05:35 pm (UTC)
They think it's cool because their fellow pimpleheads and the foolish teenage girls who think they are fantastic tell them that it's cool. *sigh*
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[User Picture]From: oneeyedfreak
2005-08-27 02:08 am (UTC)
You realize of course that bolt-on spoilers, hollow mufflers, fake neon, primer, iron oxide and body putty are the high performance items of the 21st century.

I believe the nonsense started over here.

On behalf of the former colonies, I feel compelled to apologize.
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